DePRESSED

So, it seems like everyday it just gets more depressing…my life is just like, stuck in the mud. No way to get anywhere, and I just feel like I keep saying, “this is what I need to do, this is what I need to do” but NOTHING changes. I just feel mad at MYSELF. Like, disappointed in myself for not having my shit together-and being so freaking poor. I am poor, and I know it. Its like paycheck to paycheck. I hate the fact that I am in my 20’s during a freaking recession when no one has money and jobs are crappy and hard to find. *ugh* This life just needs to get better-because it REALLY sucks right now.

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life style changes need to be implimented, ASAP!

Apparently I have highish blood pressure-which is BAD (obviously). I wish that I had more $$ to spend on organic foods. BUT I suppose I could just cook from scratch all the time or something-? Idk, in todays world its so easy just to go get pre-made pre-done EVERYTHING, but I know that is a TERRIBLE way to do stuff! Eeep!! So, I searched for recipes online for foods that don’t include any processed foods and came across a blog called “the food illusion” and its actually pretty inspiring, and makes me want to go through my fridge and throw out anything that is processed right now! This chick includes a lot of recipes and pictures and advice as she chronicles her journey through healthy non-processed food cooking. INSPIRATION. Also, I need to cut sodium (salt) out of my diet drastically, I know I eat WAY more of that stuff than I should. Eeep! I also need to get back to exercising, I’ve gone 3 weeks without Zumba and should get back to it-but it’s so expensive! Maybe I would be better off just doing the videos and saving money in the long run, something to look into also. So, salt, processed foods, weight-those all need to go down in size! I’m on a mission now-if I can’t get my BP down my health place won’t give me my BC pills anymore-and that’s a bad thing. I know that BC pills contribute to HBP also, but I know making other changes can help lower it too. So, processed foods have GOT to go because they are CHOCK full of sodium (salt) and I need to lower my intake of that. So, I guess my blog is now turning into a food and health blog? I know that if you haven’t watched Food Inc yet you should! I watched it instant on Netflix-you will never eat meat again! (or at least you won’t from a supermarket-helllo organic!) I already only eat chicken, venison, and turkey-I don’t eat beef, pork or anything else like that-I don’t like the taste. So, I will be including recipes I find- or sharing them from other blogs or sites I suppose would be more accurate. So, here we go on a new adventure-hopefully one I can stick with-for my health’s sake I need to! I also need to find more ways to de-stress-I seriously need to-I do have a stressful life in some ways, I worry about money a lot-my wedding-my plans for the future-you know, LIFE. *sigh* Okay, well thats all for today!

Death. Drama. Dreams.

Death:

So, my Oma died this past Thursday. It was a blow for sure. 😦 November 4th, Aunt Roxann found her at her home dead from a massive heart attack. Just one day before her 77 birthday. 😦 It was a shock to everyone. I know its something that happens to everyone-we all die-but I didn’t think it would be so soon. She’ll never see me married, or my kids when I have them. They won’t get to have a great-grandma. 😦 That just sucks. Such a tragic year for my family. Everyone thinks that the reason she died was because she had such a shock when our cousin Matthew died 6 months ago. He was like her “golden boy” and I think she never got over the fact that he died. So, sad news for the family.

Drama:
My wedding is coming along-SORT OF. Sometimes I feel like nothing is getting done, and then sometimes its like I feel like I have to get EVERYTHING DONE. And in the end-NOTHING gets done. LOL. But I’ve been having some problems with bridesmaids-who’s walking with who drama and then just straight up moodiness that comes and goes and it really freaking annoying!! Oh my life can never be simple-of course not. *sigh* Okay, I guess that’s enough Pity Party for Bronwyn. Haha.

Dreams:

Me and Nathan are hoping to move to Springfield soon, we want to go up and look at some houses next week and see if we like them enough to rent them 🙂 He’s also been applying at places trying to find a job and I am going to start looking more earnestly. I REALLY want to start my Cosmetology School up there already! I want to get some wicked tricks with hair and nails and start making the $$. I am tired of this mediocre life and I want more-I feel like I have wasted the last year and a half-and I want to get my life going dammit! LOL. I want a house and kids and crap soon-so I don’t want to keep waiting around for something to happen. I’m gonna grab the bull by the horns and MAKE it happen for me. Seriously. This year is gonna be a good one (2011) and I intend to make it the best I can. 2010 has been good and bad and tragic and I want 2011 to just be good, amazing, awesome, and wonderful!!! Yay go positive vibes!!! 🙂

*OK, that’s it*